8:02 amGet Over Him Now!
Get Over Him Now!
By: Kelly Jones
Joan Asked:
Hi. I’ve recently had a real big crush on this guy for almost 3 years now. He lead me on so bad, and blew me off millions of times. He was a jerk, and everybody told me that he didn’t deserve my feelings and that i should get over him. No matter how much people told me to get over him, I could never because I liked him so much. It hurt me so bad, and deeply affected me. Everyday I felt ugly and low about myself. I felt like a total loser. People tell me to like other guys.. But I couldn’t just make myself like someone. I could only like someone if my heart wants me to like that person. You know what I mean?
Well, this summer, I finally met someone that I sort of like, and it has really gotten my mind off the crush I had for 3 years. I feel good about myself now, I have higher self esteem than I did before. I really want to be friends with this guy. That’s truthfully the most I want from this guy. I’m really shy.. and so is this guy that I just started to like. Well, he isn’t shy, he is just really quiet.
One day I got the nerves up and started talking to him. He’s a real nice guy, but he only answers my questions. He doesn’t ask me any questions back. It is hard for me to become friends with him because I want to have a conversation with him, not an interview. But it feels like I’m interviewing him because I give all the questions, and he gives me all the answers. And when he answers my questions, I sometimes attempt on answering my own question as well, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s not only like this to me, but to everyone else as well.
I even asked him why he’s so quiet, and he said he just doesn’t know what to say. I really want to be better friends with this guy. It’s my only chance to feel better about myself, and get over that jerk that I liked for 3 years. The worse part is that the new guy I like, (the quiet one) I’m only going to see him 2 more times. (in summer school at this place) and I feel like I’m struggling, it’s either to stay up.. or to be pulled down by not being over the old guy.. Please help. Thank you.
Blushgirl Says:
This statement concerns me, “It’s my only chance to feel better about myself, and get over that jerk that I liked for 3 years”. This is NOT your only chance to feel better about yourself. In fact, it has nothing even remotely to do with you feeling better about yourself. Earlier in your letter, you said, “I feel good about myself now, I have higher self esteem than I did before”. I am sorry, but I don’t think this is true. You cannot base your self worth, self-esteem or how you feel about yourself because you met a new guy.
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I am not going to address that aspect of your question, because it isn’t the root of your current problem. You say you want to just be friends with him, but I suspect you want more. If you only wanted friendship, you would accept him for who he is, and not who you want him to be. If he is like this with everyone, then that is who he is.
You said that you had a crush on this previous guy for 3 years. Can you honestly say, that in all that time, you didn’t realize he wasn’t interested in a relationship? Can you say that you didn’t sense he wasn’t right for you either? Why would you want a guy that treats you badly or doesn’t want the things you want? You already know the answer to that. Don’t you see? This isn’t about finding some guy to make you whole, it is about learning to accept yourself and love yourself first. You don’t need a guy to be complete, or figure out who you are. This is just a way to bandage what is really wrong for a short time, but the wound isn’t going to go away until you deal with it.
For whatever reason, you have lost your self-esteem and confidence. Work on this first, and you will find a guy to spend your life with. You cannot find someone to love, until you can love yourself. You cannot give something that you don’t have and if you don’t have that love for yourself, you cannot love another.
You don’t need someone in your life to be special, because you already are special. Think about what it is, that has caused you to feel less about yourself. It may have been something someone said to you, or the way you were brought up, it doesn’t matter. The point is, you need to realize that you have all the control in your life now. You can choose, right now, how you will feel about yourself. You don’t need anyone to make you feel good about yourself, and nobody can make you feel bad about yourself either. The only opinion about you that matters is your own. You create your self-image every second of your life. You can choose who you want to be, at any moment. Choose to be a confident, special person, because that is what you are.
If you want to be friends with this new guy, or anyone for that matter, then accept him for himself, and don’t worry about what he doesn’t say. Everyone deals with conversation and meeting new people in their own way. Just be yourself, and allow others to do the same.
I know you are scared of being alone, and I know you are a sensitive soul, but you must face these things and know that you are special. You will find the right guy someday, but for now, learn to love yourself. Don’t let others take your power away from you by making them more important than you are. You are just as good as everyone else, now you just need to believe that. When you do, your whole world will open up for you. You will be happy with yourself; you will be calm, hopeful and secure.
I want you to try a technique called EFT. You can learn all about it by clicking the link below. I discovered this a few months ago, and it is a marvelous tool to use in all areas of your life. You can use EFT to gain self esteem and confidence, and to see that you truly are special. Do this for yourself. I wish you all the love and luck in the world.
Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/relationships/article_1500.shtml
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